I slept in my son’s bed last night. Not because he was afraid from a bad dream in the middle of the night and not because we fell asleep reading. He wasn’t even home. I’d like to say I slept in his bed because I was missing the boys and wanted to feel closer to them while they stayed with dad, but the truth is that I had so much laundry piled up in my room and on my bed that I lazily opted for the empty bed with shark and turtle-shaped pillows.
Laundry is the worst. It’s never-ending, and I think my clothes eat little kid socks, choke on them, and vomit up more clothes onto the floor while I sleep. I can’t stay on top of it, and when I do feel motivated to be the laundry fairy, I have to make a special trip to get quarters. I know. I know…first world problems.
Quarters are like gold, and it takes a lot of them to do one load of laundry. And I’m also supposed to use soap. And dryer sheets. And maybe bleach. And maybe fabric softener. Ugh. It’s the worst. And after I’m doing a few loads, my neighbors think they should be allowed to wash clothes too. Ugh! WHY CAN’T LAUNDRY DO ITSELF?
It’s hard to tell whether I even have a bed in my room right now. It looks more like I have a treadmill buried, and it’s trying to send out smoke signals with wadded up t-shirts. Or it looks like a very busy mom doesn’t like to fold, hang, and put away clothes. Or wash them. Laundry is THE WORST!
However, laundry isn’t my only nemesis. I have many: doing the dishes with no dishwasher or garbage disposal, piles of paperwork that need to be filed or recycled, children’s toothpaste caked on the bathroom sink, a shower curtain that gets peed on far too often, floors, microwave, refrigerator, closets… My place is a mess. Almost always. Except when it’s not.
I’ve finally gotten over worrying about what people think when they come over because the cool thing is that…people come over. I’m usually apologetic, but everyone says that I’m a busy woman with two kids so they don’t expect my apartment to be a palace. This all makes me feel better because I realize I have a many things that others don’t, and it’s a combination of my luck and hard work that help me maintain my messy lifestyle.
I should put some of these clothes away, but first, I’m about to introduce my boys to Charlton Heston and the Planet of the Apes. Laundry can wait.
Kelly Stone is a sexual health educator and college lecturer who likes to think of her stand-up comedy as “edutainment”. She began performing in 2006 at an open mic in Philadelphia and has been hooked on comedy ever since. She hosts the monthly Hot Mess Comedy Show at Bar 141 in San Marcos, speaks to various universities on many different topics, watches Project Runway, and is still trying to figure out how to keep her boys from smearing Greek yogurt on the furniture.
Follow her on twitter: @funnykelly or help stop her kids when they are trying to run across a busy street. There’s safety in numbers.
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Friday, March, 28, Hot Mess Comedy Show, 8:30 pm, Bar 141, $5
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