1. The weather is amazing, and margaritas are delicious.
  2. Someone complimented my hair today, and I deserved to celebrate.
  3. The school bus picks up at 6:45 am.
  4. I’m on a boat!
  5. Book club.
  6. I’m about to start my period.
  7. While eating lunch at Bobcat Nation, that guy at the bar bought everyone in the restaurant a shot.
  8. I’m grading papers.
  9. I’m in the river.
  10. The house is clean.
  11. It’s just so easy to sneak booze into the movie theater, and we should have an Alamo Drafthouse in San Marcos anyway.
  12. I did it!
  13. This isn’t how I pictured life after 30.
  14. The Veranda is so damn loud that my apartment is vibrating like a dance club anyway.
  15. I don’t feel pretty today.
  16. I started my period.
  17. Too. Many. Legos.
  18. This social function is extremely awkward, and lots of free alcohol is available.
  19. The kids went back to school!
  20. I’m in New Orleans!
  21. A lady deserves a proper brunch every once in a while, and mimosas are delicious.
  22. I’m on a plane.
  23. I’m not pregnant!
  24. It’s not like I live in Colorado where I could have more options.
  25. The Yellow Store is for beer and lollipops.
  26. My period is over!
  27. I’m taking my annual candlelit bubble bath.
  28. Just shhhhhhhh!
  29. I feel pretty.
  30. I wanted to make sitting in my robe while reading a book seem a little more romantic.
  31. I’m on a bus.
  32. I’m not breastfeeding anymore!
  33. The house is a mess.
  34. They called!
  35. I’m 35.

    Kelly Stone is a sexual health educator and college lecturer who likes to think of her stand-up comedy as “edutainment”. She began performing in 2006 at an open mic in Philadelphia and has been hooked on comedy ever since. She hosts the monthly Hot Mess Comedy Show at Bar 141 in San Marcos, speaks to various universities about anything they’ll pay her to talk about, watches Project Runway, and is still trying to figure out how to keep her boys from smearing Greek yogurt on the furniture. Follow her on twitter: @funnykelly or help stop her kids when they are trying to run across a busy street. There’s safety in numbers.